Dating App Profile Text — Everything You Need to Know
how to write effective dating bios that attract compatible people. plus dating profile ideas, examples, and tips!
Why Profile Text Matters
Someone truly compatible with us should be able to read our dating profile and feel like it’s practically a love letter to them.
Through our dating profile text, we infuse our essence into our digital persona. I challenge my clients to imbue so much of themselves into their dating profile text that even if they removed all their photos, their friends would still be able to immediately pick their profile out of a lineup.
Specificity and actionability are the lifeblood of a good dating profile — you want the right people for you to accurately intuit why you’re a fit and feel excited to reach out.
Every major compatibility variable we fail to disclose/address in our profiles becomes something we’ll eventually need to discuss further downstream, typically during messaging or on dates. But with hundreds of millions of people using dating apps, practicality and expedience require us to weed out over 99% of them. We do this through our app choice, photos, messaging, filters/settings, and of course, profile text.
Profile Text Affordances
Most dating apps today permit 6-10 multimedia elements in profiles, but their profile text affordances vary wildly.
Let’s take a quick look at the range of what’s available to us, to help inform which kinds of dating apps might suit us best…
Honestly, the most grueling part of my work with clients is when we finally put pen to page and start writing the profile text. Most people aren’t accustomed to writing multiple paragraphs about themselves, especially when it feels like they have to advertise themselves a certain way to be considered dateable. For many, the pithy scantness of a Tinder bio is reassuring, akin to being assigned a 1-paragraph essay for homework rather than a 10-pager.
I challenge you to think of profile writing as a form of earnest reflection, playful storytelling, and creative ideation! You get to tap into your deepest values and your most ardent desires. You can enlist the help of friends, family, and even strangers on the internet. You’re not a used car salesman peddling old wares; instead, think of yourself as a wholesome and wacky bird trying to attract your version of weird:
(source: instagram.com/p/DA9pLWgJzc0)
Remember, relationships aren’t found; they’re built. They’re not static outcomes; they’re living processes that evolve day over day. We seek the company of those prepared to journey alongside us, whether for a day or a lifetime, so it matters that we give them the best sense of who we are and where we’d like to go.
A truly effective online dating profile will capture 5 critical things:
1. Prove you’re alive, accountable, and approachable
Whether online or offline, signs of life and social proof are essential. It’s how people assess whether you’re a safe, reliable bet for dating, for friendship, or for introductions to other communities and confidantes. It’s how they know you’re not a bot, a scammer, or a rogue AI.
You can bolster your social proof through:
Lists of things unique to you — the more things you add to your list, the less likely someone else has exactly the same
Videos/gifs — you, emoting, blinking, being real, maybe even laughing, smiling. All the good things!
Voice snippets — your actual voice! Super real!
Screenshots — showcasing you in the wild, doing things with/for others! Now they don’t even need to google you 😜
Instagram photos — your actual life as you’ve shared it. Super real! Be sure to do some mild curation of your IG so it’s not just selfies or self-promotion, which can be a red flag for many people
2. Why You?
Make a case for yourself! Explain your life a bit. Give someone a reason to care. Here are some prompts to help:
What do your past, present, and future look like?
What are the core pillars/values of your life, and what phase are you in right now? Are you stable, looking to build, or turbulent, looking to discover and explore?
What are the anchoring relationships in your life? Any current partners? Children? Pets? Family you visit/take care of regularly? Workplaces or career obligations you’re beholden to (e.g. medical residency, law school, saving for early retirement, etc.)?
Where does your attention live, online and offline in the wild?
What things are you channeling energy into right now that might overlap with someone else? Exploring new hobbies, sexualities, communities?
3. Why Them?
It’s great if someone likes you. It’s even better if they feel confident that you might like them as well. They should feel seen, connected, and eager to reach out.
Who are you drawn to? What energies, vibes, scenes, and communities might they hail from?
What’s their disposition toward the world? What do they aspire to do or become?
When in doubt, ask yourself: could someone send your profile to their friend and have their friend immediately understand why they thought you’d be compatible?
Try to avoid fluffy meaningless catch-alls like, “I want someone who is aligned in values” (no shit) or “I want someone who will want me back.” If your text doesn’t enhance someone’s curiosity/desire/confidence or narrow down the field of suitors, it’s functionally useless.
4. What can you do or build together?
Some dating profiles express a strong desire for a relationship, but provide no evidence that they’re capable of one. If you intend to convey relationship intent, be sure to convey your relationship skill and capacity.
For instance, if you say you’re looking for a committed, exclusive relationship and marriage, yet you list your profession as “hustlin” and your photos consist of a half dozen selfies, it’s unlikely anyone will believe you.
In the same vein, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve come across someone’s profile that says, “I want someone who won’t cheat on me.” My heart goes out to them, but their method is virtually guaranteed to attract people who will cheat on them.
To show your relationship skill and capacity, talk about:
What kind of encounter, or relationship, are you actively seeking? Romantic date? Chill, no-strings-attached night of sexy exploration? Comrade for rushing broadway shows or snagging concert tickets? Be specific! Add texture and vibrance to your desires!
What milestones matter to you? Are you hoping for marriage? For kids? Moving in together? Moving to a new country together? On what timelines?
What other relationships are significant in your life, and why? Talk about relationships with family, friends, and with yourself. This will help others understand how you think through responsibility and commitment.
5. How might you actually meet?
Those delightfully compatible people who make it through your filters and actually loved your profile may want to meet up! This is your opportunity to make it easy for them. Be specific. Be action-oriented. Offer multiple avenues of access. Consider:
What are some physical spaces and activities you deeply enjoy that you’d want to incorporate in a potential date?
Are there any life bucket list items you’re hoping to accomplish this year, or even this weekend?
Are there event series, theater productions, dance gatherings, talks, or intramural sports you’re eager to explore?
What’s the general cadence of your life? Are there particular times of day/week when you’re most free?
How do you like to be approached? Friendly? Flirty? Straightforward and direct?
Profile Writing 101
Let’s explore some practical tips for weaving together the five elements of an effective dating profile…
Resizing Profiles to Fit Available Space
Sometimes it’s hard to be concise. I usually try several times on my own, then ask a friend or an AI to assist (e.g., “can you try rephrasing this so it’s under 150 characters?”).
Here’s one attempt I made at manually condensing a sample profile:
Medium-form (~449 characters):
I grew up in rural Arkansas, moved to NYC, and hope to settle down and raise a family somewhere on the west coast in the next ~5 years. I live alone, work full time as a recruiter in Manhattan, and spent a lot of my free time playing music, going to museums and shows with friends, and reading. My life has a pretty consistent cadence, and I’m hoping to meet someone who also has most of their ducks in a row and is ready to build a future together.
Short-form (~138 characters):
AK—>NYC(now)—>west coast(to raise kids, next 5yrs?); Manhattanite; recruiter; museum/broadway-loving musician & book lover, seeking same.*
*the phrase “seeking same” does a lot of heavy lifting because it reveals both who you are and whom you seek!
Some people have the opposite problem: they can write a sentence or two, but struggle to write several paragraphs. In those cases, I recommend using voice-to-text! Tell your story in as much detail as you can using natural language, then consolidate after you’ve generated a few sentences or paragraphs.
Crafting Your Story
Method 1: Past→Present→Future
Connecting your past to your intended future shows stability through time, which feels more grounding and reliable.
“I grew up doing x, I’m currently doing y, and I hope to be doing z in the future”
Method 2: Playful Juxtaposition
This format adds a little zest and humor to your presentation, making it more revealing and memorable, and letting you showcase the range of your interests/character.
“I like reading, drawing, and assembling creative charcuterie plates….at NYC sex parties.”
Method 3: Comprehensive Lists
Simply listing things you do can let someone else learn a lot about you.
community building, quantified self, coworking, coliving, life across 250+ dating apps, designing relationships, magic: the gathering, living a minimalist lifestyle, hosting events, date ideas, podcast recommendations
Method 4: Collection of Reviews
Little anecdotes and quotations can add vibrance and humor to your profile, freeing you from being the sole narrator of your story. Remember, you can be super creative here. Results may vary, and you may attract very different kinds of people, but there’s no harm in making things a little weird but perfectly attuned to your humor and finding your fellow weirdos out there.
Soliciting reviews from friends and former lovers can provide the rare benefit of honest reflections about your impact on someone’s life, as told in their own words! Their vulnerability, honesty, and humor can make the review feel real and impactful.
Developing Consistency (But Not Redundancy) Across Your Profile Text, Media, and Messaging
Profile text should exist in harmony with other profile elements, augmenting, but not needlessly duplicating, things you’ve already conveyed.
For instance, if your profile text doesn’t include many specifics about where you spend your time or how you might meet up IRL, try including photos that do the job, or look for those elements in others’ profiles and highlight them in your messages.
If your profile photos include your dog, and the caption explains that it’s your dog, then your profile text doesn’t need to say, “I have a dog,” because that’s pretty boring and conveys no new information. Instead, you can instead allude to your dog in your profile, as in, “I’m looking for fellow dog owners who want to schedule doggy playdates.”
If a few of your profile pictures showcase you outdoors, you don’t need to say, “I love the outdoors” in your profile; instead, you can be more specific about what you love about the outdoors, how often you like getting outdoors, and which outdoor places and spaces you’re keen to visit in the future.
It’s time to go forth and write your profile text! Or forward this to a friend so they can finally make a good profile and meet someone compatible!
If you have any lingering questions, please comment, or message me. Remember to subscribe for whatever future tips and insights I dig up.
Need help with dating, personal development, or navigating relationships? Let’s talk! I’ve been a coach and dating app consultant for nearly 15 years! Schedule a call with me and we’ll talk through your life, goals, struggles, and strategy. First call is free, and I’ll do what I can to point you in the right direction!
"think of yourself as a wholesome and wacky bird trying to attract your version of weird" 😂🙏🏽 yes 🙌🏾🦜
You are doing God's work. That is all!