Breaking into Non-Monogamy

a rapid resource guide for the curious

a rapid resource guide for the curious

Comic source: http://kimchicuddles.com/

First, gather a few critical perspectives on love and relationships

1. The Bigger Picture of Polyamory
   https://medium.com/@JasnaTod/the-bigger-picture-of-polyamory-680a573f3d5f

2. How We End Up Marrying the Wrong People
   http://thephilosophersmail.com/relationships/how-we-end-up-marrying-the-wrong-people

3. There’s No Such Thing As Everlasting Love, According to Science
   http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/01/theres-no-such-thing-as-everlasting-love-according-to-science/267199/

4. Why We Fuck — Evolutionary Roots of Non-Monogamy
   http://www.raptitude.com/2012/06/why-we-fck/

5. Monogamy vs. Polyamory
   http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/12/monogamy-versus-polyamory-to-commit-or-not-commit-alia-maiter/

6. Casual Love
   http://blog.carsieblanton.com/post/82149148832/casual-love

7. Types of Nontraditional Relationships
   https://thethinkingasexual.wordpress.com/2013/05/07/relationship-anarchy-basics/

I’m also particularly fond of this graphic designed by Kirstin Rohwer depicting several popular, diverse, and even divisive forms that love & relationships can take:

source: Kirstin Rohwer, http://metakiki.net

Next, explore some of the tactics for handling jealously, disclosure, and the treatment of your new (and existing) partners

1. Ten Realistic Rules for Good Non-Monogamous Relationships
   http://youonlywetter.co.uk/blog/2013/12/14/10-realistic-rules-for-good-non-monogamous-relationships/?relatedposts_exclude=3395

2. Having a polyamorous relationship with a monogamous partner: What your monogamous partner wants you to know
   https://www.morethantwo.com/bridgingthedivide.html

3. How to Treat Non-Primary Partners Well
   http://solopoly.net/2012/11/27/non-primary-partners-tell-how-to-treat-us-well/

4. Care and Feeding of Polyamorous Secondary Relationships
   http://www.morethantwo.com/primarysecondary.html

5. How to Handle Jealousy
   http://www.salon.com/2014/07/14/jealous_of_what_solving_polyamorys_jealousy_problem/

6. A dialog between a polyamorous and a monogamous person
   https://www.morethantwo.com/polymonodialog.html

Finally, get acquainted with the must-read literature for non-monogamous folks

1. The Ethical Slut
   A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

2. Polysecure
   Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy

3. Opening Up
   A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

4. More Than Two
   A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory

5. Sex at Dawn
   How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What it Means for Modern Relationships

6. Come As You Are
   The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

About the Author…

I’m Steve Dean, an NYC-based online dating consultant.

I offer customized consultations to individuals who need help with dating & relationships, as well as dating sites who need help with product strategy and growth.

I like to write and podcast about dating, relationships, and how to get connected to awesome jobs, roommates, and events. If you’d like to keep tabs on what I’m working on, you can follow my Patreon page, or connect with me anywhere:

Dating & Relationship Coaching | Dateworking Podcast
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Related Reading…

The Purrfect Guide to Practicing Ethical Non-Meownogamy
I try to explain non-monogamy, polyamory, and open relationships…using cat gifsmedium.com

The Friendship-First Approach to Dating
how a small shift in perspective can completely transform our dating livesmedium.com

How To Say “No” Without Lies, Flaking, or Fadeaways
A guide to saying “let’s just be friends” or declining a suitor’s unwanted advancesmedium.com

How to Have the “Are We Exclusive?” Talk
A step-by-step guide to starting a new relationshipmedium.com